Field Report: COCK

Earlier today, I was approached by a friendly acquaintance and invited to attend a meeting of the student leftist organization on campus. I was friendly and polite, hinting that the offer sounded appealing to me, though I initially had no intention of attending. Not only would it involve surrounding myself with the most left-wing hooligans on campus, but I would also have to skip out on martial arts practice with some close friends in order to grace these lefties with my presence.

I find playing at being a badass to be much more satisfying than playing at being an effeminate man-child, but the more I thought about it, the more the idea of attending started to appeal to me. Why not show up and try to have some fun with the proceedings? I fired off a quick stream of thoughts on twitter, and, goaded on by Aimless Gromar and a certain infamous duck, I decided to attend the meeting. Providing the name of the specific organization would put forth more information than I am comfortable revealing on this blog, so this organization shall be henceforth referred to as the Coven of Covetous Kreatures (COCK).

Those composition of those attending was just about what one could expect. There were a few attractive-looking women, and a few slutty-looking ones, but sadly those two groups shared no overlap in membership. There was one other male there who looked like he lifted, there was one who thought he was a woman, and there was only one male there who had a deeper voice than I did. I didn’t see anyone who looked like they would be fun to drink with. Most of them seemed vapid and incompetent, though there were a few people who weren’t complete empty-headed idiots. Overall, it was a bit larger than I thought it would be, but otherwise I was unsurprised by this COCK.

The meeting began with a brief overview of how the group was structured and what they had accomplished since their founding. They professed a strong belief in decentralization and democratic organization, and as such had no formal hierarchy, but instead utilized a series of committees to deal with issues of relevance and made no decisions without a vote of all members. They also discussed how they had not been successful in achieving any of their initiatives. Apparently this state of affairs had been carrying on for some time.

I realized fairly quickly that I was going to have to disappoint the people who were counting on me to troll, as there was just no way I could troll these people harder than they troll themselves. This COCK didn’t need me to fuck it. It could do the job just fine on its own.

The meeting then moved on to other subjects, including a discussion of how they could spread their leftist message through the media. You have to hand it to leftists. They really are like a hivemind in their ability to adopt the same tactics as other leftists all over the world.

The affair was fairly predictable. Motions were made to form committees to focus on reducing food waste at the university, taking away the right of fraternities to decide who gets to attend their parties, and combating sexual assault. The phrase “war on women” was uttered, as well as the 1 in 3 “statistic”. I wondered if by those same standards, affirmative action was sufficiently aggressive enough to constitute a war on smart people, and I found it difficult not to let a malicious smile cross my lips. I restrained myself by imagining this whole COCK naked. It was easy not to smile after that.

I don’t think I’ll by attending too many more meetings. Devoting any time to this COCK, even for the purpose of trolling or sabotaging their efforts, seems like a tiresome, unsatisfying chore. Still, I think I’ll stay on the e-mail list. If nothing else, paying lip service to their ideals puts me relatively far down on their list of people to bemoan. I can also use this as an opportunity to work on my poker face.

I guess I also like the idea of a secret Neoreactionary using the power of the vote to tie up an egalitarian, democratic organization. Perhaps I should try to get on one of those committees and start acting like the second coming of Sir Humphrey Appleby.

If anything though, my time spent with this COCK made me yearn for a secret Neoreactionary cabal on this campus that I could call my own. Time to start sniffing out the rightists and sifting through them to see who has what it takes to handle the burden of Gnon.

ACTA DEOS NUMQUAM MORTALIA FALLUNT

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5 thoughts on “Field Report: COCK

  1. walderschmidt 09/08/2014 / 11:42 PM

    I wish I attended your university for a semester.

    Wald

  2. Max 09/09/2014 / 4:10 PM

    Some time ago, I ran for and was elected as the student body representative for the American Constitution Society at one of the top law schools in the country. Never did much with the position aside from subtly troll a few individuals in private conversation, but in retrospect it could’ve been a lot more fun than I made it.

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