Unholy Matrimony

I asked a girl to marry me the other day.

It wasn’t serious. The context was humorous, and it was a way of carrying on a joke. I thought it was hilarious, but I was also several drinks deep, so I might have overestimated the appeal. It might have been merely amusing. In any event, the both of us were laughing heartily.

That moment has been weighing on my mind. Why? I suspect because the idea of marriage seems an alien concept to me. I’ve never been married. I still don’t quite know if I like the idea, but it seems like if done right, it could be a very good one.

Why get married? It is no secret that the legal and social environment in the United States (to say nothing of much of the western world) makes marriage a risky venture for any man. It would not be wrong to classify it as a bet with a woman that you will always be her alpha and that she will always love you, with half your net worth and a significant portion of your cash flow on the line if you fail (and this assessment doesn’t even begin to take into account the emotional impact nor what happens if there are children involved).

Of course, it is also easy to see why someone might scoff at this assessment. A guy with charm and charisma and skill with women isn’t going to be flustered by the idea of keeping a woman attracted to him. A guy with wealth isn’t going to worry about paying the bills in case of divorce. A guy with a “don’t give a fuck” attitude won’t care if his woman walks out, and will consider it a blessing in disguise.

Set yourself up right, work on yourself and invest in yourself the right way, adopt the right mindset, and acquire enough personal capital, and divorce doesn’t seem like nearly such a boogieman.

Basically, if you get the right circumstances in order, both the risk and the downsides won’t seem all that bad, and if you pick the right woman, the odds of having things blow up in your face drop tremendously. The final piece of the puzzle is to be the type of person that people can be attracted to, and frankly, that’s not something that’s all that difficult.

There are certain protocols that can be put in place and certain conditions that can be met that make marriage far less risky. What’s a young man to do? Well, that depends entirely on whether he is the type of man who looks at the odds to make a decision or makes a decision and then fixes his own odds.

Congratulations. I just told you whether you have the mindset to be “alpha” or not. That’ll be $50. You can send it to me by giving it to your wife or girlfriend. She’ll probably be seeing me soon enough.

It’s not high-status males who need to worry about divorce. It’s not those with natural swagger. It’s low-status males. This is why all those manosphere diatribes against marriage and how men shouldn’t marry always make the writer look bad, no matter how factually accurate their work may be. You can’t complain about the marriage market without looking like the kind of person who would get fleeced if you stepped into it.

What’s that old Oscar Wilde quote again?

Do not speak ill of society…Only people who can’t get in do that.

It’s not hard to see how that principles applies here.

What’s that? You’re worried about divorce? Ew. You must be the type of loser who has to worry about your woman leaving you.

So no, I am not afraid of marriage. I am not afraid of marrying the right woman if I find her. It sounds like blatant posturing to say it here, after all those words about how only low-status men are afraid of marriage, but it is true. I am not, and one day I probably will get married.

Good idea? Bad idea? Ah, but once again you’re missing the point. Go back and read this all again from the beginning.

What do I think about marriage? I’ll say it right out:

Marriage should be for power, profit, and reproduction. Love is the icing on the cake, but it isn’t necessary. That’s what affairs are for.

Is that really what I think, though? Is it what I want people to think that I think? Is it possibly even neither of those things, but rather something I say when I want to shock people?

I don’t know. I think I think that, but I think even more strongly that I only think I want to think that, when really I do not quite think that in particular, but merely something like that; something a bit less cynical and nakedly pragmatic and a bit more idealistic.

Perhaps one day I will have tricked myself into thinking that I think that. Perhaps, if I am really good, I actually will have begun to think it, no illusions needed, for what I think I think will indeed be correct, for I will indeed think it.

You follow?

I think that, when I really boil it down, what I’m looking for is someone with really, really good genes with whom I could have beautiful, intelligent, and dangerous children, but that I won’t pull the trigger on marrying this person unless they also have other things to offer me. Do I know for a fact that this is my intent? No. I don’t know myself quite that well, but I know myself well enough to suspect that this is the case.

I have no doubt that any rationale I could possibly give for marriage is one that is going to elevate this goal to, if not the highest ideal, at least something that would be praiseworthy. I’m not going to set up a standard that wouldn’t make me look good, so I’m not even going to try. It shouldn’t even be my place to decree the standards by which we should judge marriage. Let those who are older and wiser and who have actually been married judge why we should marry and for what reasons we ought to do so. The only thing I have the grounds to judge is what I think it is and what I want out of it, and even then, I do so knowing that I might be wrong in regard to the former and misguided in regard to the latter.

So what say I, young bachelor that I am? I say this: Marriage is an opportunity, and it is one that I will seize when I can wring the most value out of it that I possibly can.

8 thoughts on “Unholy Matrimony

  1. Cui Pertinebit 04/23/2015 / 1:57 PM

    I’m Catholic, so I encourage marriage and large families. Apart from that, Western civilization – which is the birthright and accomplishment of white, European folk – is endangered on many fronts, and the low birthrate amongst whites, and especially amongst those committed to raising their children with morals and our traditions, is one of them.

    I agree with everything you said about marriage not flowing from romantic love. It has historically been about no such thing. As with everything in the West, the rupture begins with the Protestant apostasy. Companionate marriage was encouraged by the Protestants (i.e., they still paid lip-service to the husband’s authority, but expected a greater “equality” between spouses since “there is in Christ neither male nor female,” and took an hammer to male homosociality by expecting the wife to be her husband’s “best friend” and emotional center… something the Temperance Movement and Prohibitionists continued to frequently assert); the Protestants also introduced the possibility of divorce, and smashed other marital and sexual taboos. The usual view of marriage in all societies – including the Catholic society, so far as the merely social element is concerned – was that marriage is primarily a “business” relationship that deals with the facts of life – the need to curb promiscuity and fornication, and provides for the creation, development and transmission of wealth and culture by establishing stable and committed families, the fundamental paradigm of social life from which society is drawn. It was understood that husband and wife were likely to form a particular bond, likely an affectionate one, but distinct from friendship, which would come with time and shared living; marriage was not seen as the logical summit of an unfolding, romantic infatuation. Indeed, people would have been discouraged from being around the opposite sex long enough to form such infatuations. The Church, while acknowledging the validity of marriage without parental consent (and, in many cases, even clandestine marriages) for theological reasons, renewed its condemnation of the new matrimonial attitude, in which couples were marrying for love without public ceremony, parental knowledge, etc., and declared a decree of immediate suspension upon any priest other than the actual pastor of the couple’s parish (who would presumably know them and their situation better, and so be more prudent in these matters), who dared to officiate at such weddings.

    And, given all that, I’ll say that I don’t entirely agree that a confession of trepidation or even disgust with marriage in modernity, is necessarily a revelation of one’s betahed. Often it is. But I think prudent, solid men are well-justified in regarding marriage in modern society – which no longer understands any of the above realities of marriage, and in fact has weaponized the contrary view – with a marked lack of interest. I think men need to make a real choice, however, and not allow the uncertainty to become an excuse: either commit yourself to celibacy and find a way to preserve the good and perhaps strengthen society in that capacity, or find a woman who can understand and accept all this, take multiple steps before marriage to make divorce a legal and emotional dead-end for yourselves, and start planting future traditionalists and reactionary warriors in your wife’s belly.

    • castricv 04/30/2015 / 12:40 AM

      I so wish you lived nearby and could speak at my local Catholic Church. I couldn’t agree more friend. I’ve been married 6 years and thankfully I married for all the right reasons. We grow into the marriage, not peak before it….

  2. Dave 05/01/2015 / 3:14 AM

    I was telling my Dad how women used to marry men with high-paying, prestigious jobs; now women take such jobs themselves and complain that they can’t find husbands. He said dismissively that men ought to find jobs in fields still dominated by men (he’s a retired engineer). Like Donovan, he thinks only an ever-shrinking elite among men are worthy of marriage.

    If we as a society tell non-alpha straight men to go fuck themselves, we might have a little trouble holding off the barbarian hordes with an army of feminists, gays, and trannies.

    • Donovan Greene 05/01/2015 / 12:11 PM

      I absolutely do not think that only an elite group of men are worthy of marriage. That’s not what I am saying here at all.

  3. SFC Ton 05/05/2015 / 12:29 PM

    If it’s Protestants who did all the damage, why did Catholic counties go.hard core leftist way before Protestant america? Why is the rise of pogressivemim in the usa so closely linked to the influx of Catholic immigrants? Why did Catholic Ireland give women the vote before the usa gave them a vote? Why did gay rights and gay marriage gain ground in Cathloic Spain and Mexico before the usa? Why has the Catholic church supported so many progressive ideals like the redistribution of wealth?

    There is damn near and endless number of questions along those lines

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