I asked a girl to marry me the other day.
It wasn’t serious. The context was humorous, and it was a way of carrying on a joke. I thought it was hilarious, but I was also several drinks deep, so I might have overestimated the appeal. It might have been merely amusing. In any event, the both of us were laughing heartily.
That moment has been weighing on my mind. Why? I suspect because the idea of marriage seems an alien concept to me. I’ve never been married. I still don’t quite know if I like the idea, but it seems like if done right, it could be a very good one.
Why get married? It is no secret that the legal and social environment in the United States (to say nothing of much of the western world) makes marriage a risky venture for any man. It would not be wrong to classify it as a bet with a woman that you will always be her alpha and that she will always love you, with half your net worth and a significant portion of your cash flow on the line if you fail (and this assessment doesn’t even begin to take into account the emotional impact nor what happens if there are children involved).
Of course, it is also easy to see why someone might scoff at this assessment. A guy with charm and charisma and skill with women isn’t going to be flustered by the idea of keeping a woman attracted to him. A guy with wealth isn’t going to worry about paying the bills in case of divorce. A guy with a “don’t give a fuck” attitude won’t care if his woman walks out, and will consider it a blessing in disguise.
Set yourself up right, work on yourself and invest in yourself the right way, adopt the right mindset, and acquire enough personal capital, and divorce doesn’t seem like nearly such a boogieman.
Basically, if you get the right circumstances in order, both the risk and the downsides won’t seem all that bad, and if you pick the right woman, the odds of having things blow up in your face drop tremendously. The final piece of the puzzle is to be the type of person that people can be attracted to, and frankly, that’s not something that’s all that difficult.
There are certain protocols that can be put in place and certain conditions that can be met that make marriage far less risky. What’s a young man to do? Well, that depends entirely on whether he is the type of man who looks at the odds to make a decision or makes a decision and then fixes his own odds.
Congratulations. I just told you whether you have the mindset to be “alpha” or not. That’ll be $50. You can send it to me by giving it to your wife or girlfriend. She’ll probably be seeing me soon enough.
It’s not high-status males who need to worry about divorce. It’s not those with natural swagger. It’s low-status males. This is why all those manosphere diatribes against marriage and how men shouldn’t marry always make the writer look bad, no matter how factually accurate their work may be. You can’t complain about the marriage market without looking like the kind of person who would get fleeced if you stepped into it.
What’s that old Oscar Wilde quote again?
Do not speak ill of society…Only people who can’t get in do that.
It’s not hard to see how that principles applies here.
What’s that? You’re worried about divorce? Ew. You must be the type of loser who has to worry about your woman leaving you.
So no, I am not afraid of marriage. I am not afraid of marrying the right woman if I find her. It sounds like blatant posturing to say it here, after all those words about how only low-status men are afraid of marriage, but it is true. I am not, and one day I probably will get married.
Good idea? Bad idea? Ah, but once again you’re missing the point. Go back and read this all again from the beginning.
What do I think about marriage? I’ll say it right out:
Marriage should be for power, profit, and reproduction. Love is the icing on the cake, but it isn’t necessary. That’s what affairs are for.
Is that really what I think, though? Is it what I want people to think that I think? Is it possibly even neither of those things, but rather something I say when I want to shock people?
I don’t know. I think I think that, but I think even more strongly that I only think I want to think that, when really I do not quite think that in particular, but merely something like that; something a bit less cynical and nakedly pragmatic and a bit more idealistic.
Perhaps one day I will have tricked myself into thinking that I think that. Perhaps, if I am really good, I actually will have begun to think it, no illusions needed, for what I think I think will indeed be correct, for I will indeed think it.
I think that, when I really boil it down, what I’m looking for is someone with really, really good genes with whom I could have beautiful, intelligent, and dangerous children, but that I won’t pull the trigger on marrying this person unless they also have other things to offer me. Do I know for a fact that this is my intent? No. I don’t know myself quite that well, but I know myself well enough to suspect that this is the case.
I have no doubt that any rationale I could possibly give for marriage is one that is going to elevate this goal to, if not the highest ideal, at least something that would be praiseworthy. I’m not going to set up a standard that wouldn’t make me look good, so I’m not even going to try. It shouldn’t even be my place to decree the standards by which we should judge marriage. Let those who are older and wiser and who have actually been married judge why we should marry and for what reasons we ought to do so. The only thing I have the grounds to judge is what I think it is and what I want out of it, and even then, I do so knowing that I might be wrong in regard to the former and misguided in regard to the latter.
So what say I, young bachelor that I am? I say this: Marriage is an opportunity, and it is one that I will seize when I can wring the most value out of it that I possibly can.